Sunday, June 26, 2011

motivating 1

Lately, i am bit stressed out. Been optimizing my real time PCR for the past 2 months with no success yet. It was very heartbreaking. I have my poster presentation in July and the pcr that is still not working. Stressed all out ! I did so many gradient pcr reactions with multi melting curve peaks sometimes (although the company said the primers are specific to genes of interest) and of course no bands on gel electrophoresis and of course with friends and supervisor asking (busybodying?); how things going on? They really pissed me off ! did not they see how i am struggling here?

Still, I have not lost my hopes yet. Wait for my new pcr kit to come this Tuesday. Then we will see..Dear God, please !!!!!

That's one prob..I have another one problem that keeps bothering me quite for some times now. I have several family issues. Too embarrassed to tell what they are all about even to my best friends. Now, I think its about two months or three that I have lost keep in touch with, even with my mom. My father did contact me couple weeks ago which made me crying out loud and alone..I think the issue was their faults (especially mom). Why could not they just contacted me after noticed how long I was invisible to them. (I was never invisible to them before. I always call them/ mom at least once a week). or they just could not be bothered anymore or they did not noticed? I really feel lonely, disappointing and not been loved.

It does not matter with me, if they just contact me asking how am I doing? and not explaining or solving the issue that keeps me at distant. But they never did that.

I tell myself everyday, never mind I will call them today (especially mom). But when I am bit free, I just did not pick up the phone and call them. My ego controls me after all...

These two problems really make me tensed all day and make me think a lot. Whenever bad things happen, I always think that happen because of my wrong doings and Allah wants to punish me..

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